Dead Eyed Girls

Sometimes I feel that I just can't handle the feeling of being alive. It's all too much. I feel that I'll explode. But then tears just come out of my eyes and I sob and I cry and when it's over I calm down and my wand wanders off to other meaningless things. I wasn't understanding why there were all these rules, but now I see, a bit; If I want to live with these people, I need to follow the rules. I still don't fully understand. There's still a disconnect between reality and these daily happenings. And though I know it's not real, these emotions blur everything, triggered by a single word or thought or concept. Like the concept of friendship...loss of friendship. The tears just well up. I don't understand the nature of our relationship, you and me. There is a strange dynamic. But it's nice having you there, always there to fall back on, even just for the most basic human comforts. To smell you and feel your skin and hear the noises you make. And your eyes that glow. And even though you're selfish and confused and immature, I am too and inside of you I see goodness and beauty. Have you ever cried to much you got a headache? I can't stop looking at my phone; I'll pretend I don't, but I want you to call.